I’ve hit a case of the dreaded writer’s block while working on my wedding vows and I feel I have achieved a new wisdom I must now pass along to my readers.
If you’re thinking of getting married— don’t.
Let me clarify that statement because I’m actually really excited to get married and take the next step in life.
What I really mean is, if you’re thinking of getting married while working an almost full time job and taking 15 units in college— don’t do that.
Resist your ego’s urge to be Superman.
Keep in mind those are a hardcore 15 units here at Las Positas College. Running this newspaper is like having a second full time job.
I see our production manager more than I see the woman I will soon commit to spending the rest of my life with.
Our production manager is a fine gentleman and I don’t mind seeing him as often as I do.
I must say though, it sort of feels like I’m marrying him.
Even though he’s a great guy, I’m not ready to commit to him at that kind of level yet.
Sometimes I go to school, leave and am able to go home for 5 minutes to change my clothes and go straight to work, literally minutes before my fiancee comes home.
I spend all night at work and come home, wiped out, only to see her for 10 minutes and go right back into homework.
Add my time on the Express to the fact that I’m attempting to complete three online courses and dear readers, I’ve been in a heap of trouble this academic year.
I’m finding it increasingly difficult to complete my work on a self-motivated basis as I watch my future wife plan our wedding by herself.
Putting together an affordable guest list. Meetings with florists, DJs, caterers. Endless craft projects to get the look of the event just the way she wants it.
I feel compelled to help, and I’ve spent a lot of time I should have been doing coursework helping my fiancee instead.
I’m now behind and buried under a lot of my work. I feel guilty.
On top of that, I’m still mired in the world of customer service, so my schedule requires to work strange hours for little pay.
Early mornings, late nights. Weekends.
My soon-to-be has a good job, and free weekends.
Often times I’ll sneak in some time to hangout, at the expense of reading my psychology textbook or writing a research paper.
I’m stressed out, even on the verge of one of the happiest days of my life and I can’t help but think this is the way the world works for adults.
In a way, one has to destroy oneself a bit every day to get ahead and they’ll always have to balance their priorities.
That balance many times is elusive. People can get very lost along their path if they place too much emphasis on the wrong things.
I have to ask myself “Am I doing the right thing?”
Well, I believe I’ve cleared some of my writer’s block just now.
Of course I’m doing the right things. As I get older, the selfish streak that was so overwhelming as young man has dissipated as the years have passed. I don’t act as much out of my own benefit, but more so out of the care and concern of others.
Whatever can be done to help her and let her life be as comfortable and easy and fulfilling as possible, I will try to do.
I am now a vessel for those things to come to pass.
Yes, I’m getting behind on my school work, and no that’s not a good thing.
I go to school to improve myself so that I can be a better husband and partner and have a job that doesn’t leave a deep, dark chasm in the pit of my soul.
But, in the meantime, I have only two priorities— my wife, our wedding.
Yes, I’m at risk of losing my financial aid if my current academic performance keeps up, but there are ways back to the educational path for me down the road.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and I have chosen to do all I can to make it as special as I can for my life’s partner.
I’m off to finish my vows. They will reflect some of the ideas I have tried to impart on you, the reader.
Commitment. Priorities. Selflessness.
So goodbye for now, Las Positas, I will see you in a few weeks.
Keep reading, as the Express will be in the very capable hands of one Bekka Wiedenmeyer and Will Tanner and our excellent staff of student journalists.
Until then, I will be on my honeymoon, recharging my batteries and prepping for the final stretch of my time as your humble editor in chief.